PUNK ROCK SELF-HELP

Trauma Trip!

Sunday, June 07, 2015


Ever watch someone go through something that you went through and it brings you right back to that moment. 

Sometimes it's good memories sometimes it's sadness…
I am going through this hard with a past trauma. 

About 12 or so years ago my ex cheated on me. It wasn't the Cheating that hurt most it was the lies and the deception. He denied. Denied. Denied. 

And I lost more weight. Became grayer. And almost all of me evaporated. 

It was like an out of body experience bc I was in so much pain. 

How could someone so close to me that I knew loved me, choose to treat me this way?

It was very confusing. 
Dark Ages in a lot of ways. 

A day ago, I was watching Marriage Boot Camp.... 

My Kings & Queens, you know how much I LOVE that show. ;) 

...And the last reality star couple to be announced was Kendra & Hank.

I watched 2 episodes. 
I have been shaken up ever since. 
Kendra looks gray. 
I know the pain she is in. 
And the confusion. 
"Will he do it again? Is that what he is into? Bc I can do a lot of things to please my partner but grow a penis is not one of Em!"

My heart aches for her. 
Watching her run in circles trying to piece it all together to make sense of it reminded me of me. Circa 2003.

Hit a nerve in the spot where I felt that same trauma she is feeling. 

Made me realize...
*How far I have come. 

*How proud I am that I got myself out of that situation.
*Love is kind and understanding. Not deceitful and lying. 

*How glad I am that I have chosen never to speak with that person again. 

Today, trauma trip?!? Any traumatic situations that you are far far far away from that now you can see clearly how lucky you are that you survived?!?

Send healing energy and compassion to those still in that cycle. 

Takes a ton of balls to get off the ride. 
At first you feel wheezy and like you are still moving. After, some time you get the strength to run far far away. When faced with a picture of the past again bc you survived it, it will affect you.

But...

in a much different way. Almost like going back to your old haunts and sitting in those tiny chairs. They no longer fit you anymore. Odd to think it ever did. 

Rock on to the Survivors!!!
& sweet Kendra my prayers go out to you. 

Xoxo

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